Girl, Wash Your Face: Three Lies We Need to Stop Telling Ourselves

Girl, Wash Your Face: Three Lies We Need to Stop Telling Ourselves | Wellness & Wanderlust

An avid bookworm, I was especially excited when someone recommended Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis. This book hit especially close to home for me, as it focused on the lies we tell ourselves that hold us back in life. Like most people, I tend to suffer from imposter syndrome and can often be my own worst enemy, letting my inner mean girl speak the loudestGirl, Wash Your Face is a refreshing read that breaks down those negative thoughts with the goal of helping us move past them.

Three chapters in particular stood out to me, so I thought I would share them with my readers. Each chapter addresses a different lie that we tell ourselves, and how to reframe our thoughts. Depending on your own life experiences, other chapters may impact you more deeply, but I wanted to share these insights from which so many of us can benefit.

  • The Lie: I’ll Start Tomorrow
    I’ll be honest — I’m a sucker for kicking off new goals on a Monday or on the first of the month. There’s something I love about having a clear line of demarcation between the old and the new. However, this also gets me into trouble, sometimes causing me to put off my goals with the excuse that I’ll start tomorrowHowever, as Rachel Hollis explains in this chapter, “Your subconscious knows that you, yourself, cannot be trusted after breaking so many plans and giving up on so many goals.” Many of us are great at keeping promises, unless those promises are to ourselves. We’re accountable and reliable for others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can become complacent and give up easily. However, when we tell ourselves we’ll start tomorrow or we push back our goals, we are really telling ourselves that we can’t be relied on. To combat this, Rachel suggests starting with small, more attainable goals, and building over time. We also need to be honest with ourselves about why we choose to put things off, and take the time to be intentional.
  • The Lie: I Should Be Further Along By Now
    This is a lie I constantly struggle with. In certain areas of my life, I feel like I’m not living up to the mental timeline I’ve created for myself, and it stings. However, when I step outside of myself and take a more objective look, I am reminded of how much I’ve accomplished: I graduated with my Master’s degree while working full-time, I’ve reached new milestones at work, I’ve been blessed with some amazing travel experiences, and so much more. Taking inventory of what you have done and setting goals, rather than time limits, will help guide you in the right direction.
  • The Lie: I Am Defined By My Weight
    Since graduation, I have been working hard to reframe the last 27 years of negative thoughts around body image. It is so easy to tell ourselves (especially as women) that we won’t be happy or won’t have the things we want in life until we reach a certain clothing size or a number on the scale. In truth, it isn’t our weight that makes the difference — it’s the way we treat ourselves and our bodies. What we eat and how we exercise matters, and it’s important to fuel our bodies with the foods that make us feel our best. As Rachel says in this chapter, “The lie I used to believe was that my weight would define me, that it would speak volumes about who I was as a person. Today I believe it’s not your weight that defines you, but the care and consideration you put into your body absolutely does.” You are worthy of love and happiness and success at any weight or dress size, but eating the junk foods that you know will make you sick is an abuse to your body.  Your weight does not define you, but the way you treat yourself does. It can be a struggle, but for the last couple of months, I have focused more on listening to my needs, eating intuitively, and incorporating more movement into my day because it makes me feel betterWhether you’re looking to lose weight, gain weight, or simply feel your best, treating your body with respect and listening to what it needs is always going to benefit you in the long run.

Have any of you read Girl, Wash Your Face? Which chapters stood out to you? What lie are you working to overcome?

 

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Advocate Fiercely: 4 Ways to Take Inventory and Showcase Yourself

Last week, I hosted a luncheon at the office on the topic of advocating fiercely for oneself. The presentation was inspired by the ATHENA Next Gen program, an eight-month series for emerging women leaders, which I was honored to join last year. Based around the principles in Martha Mayhood Mertz’s book Becoming Athena, the program not only introduced me to a lot of new friends, but it also really drove my personal development in 2017.

A lot of the program’s leadership principles, like building relationships and giving back, come naturally to me. However, when it comes to advocating for myself, I (and many others out there!) really struggle. I knew this was a common problem in the workplace, so I brought in one of the co-founders of our local ATHENA program to present to our staff over lunch.

After the presentation, I began to think more generally about the ways we can advocate for ourselves, and I realized how important it is for us to take inventory of our own achievements. If we don’t actively keep track of our successes, how can we effectively ask for that raise or promotion? It’s easy to forget just how much we’ve accomplished, and without clear examples in mind, it’s no wonder that many of us clam up when it’s time to negotiate.

So how are you taking inventory of what you’re contributing to the workplace? Check out my list below for four easy ways to track your achievements in time for your next review.

Ways To Advocate For Yourself in the Workplace1. Make a list of your accomplishments each year.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how much of a difference one little list can make. A friend suggested this to me at a time when I was truly struggling to balance grad school and full-time work, when I felt I wasn’t really excelling in either area. As I began to list my work accomplishments from the year, I was able to view myself from an outsider’s perspective, and the process actually gave me an attitude adjustment. Seeing everything I had done on paper took away a lot of the self-doubt I’d been experiencing, and whenever that doubt creeps back in (as it inevitably does), I can look back at that list and remind myself how much of a badass I can be. Having this list in mind can help you craft specific examples in a job interview or when advocating for a raise at work. It can also be a valuable tool when revising your resumé!

2. Create a portfolio of your work.
If you’re in a creative field, having a portfolio can be especially impactful on the job hunt and beyond. Because of my love for writing, I always keep copies of any published articles, press releases, and other written work. This was important for me to share when I was interviewing for my job, as I was coming in right out of college with limited entry-level work experience. Once you’ve landed the position, it’s still important to keep a portfolio of projects you’ve done in order to effectively showcase your work.

3. Keep a project spreadsheet.
Am I the only nerd out there who will make a spreadsheet for just about anything? In this case, I like to keep a spreadsheet to track the projects I’m currently working on, along with deadlines and progress. At the bottom, I have my list of completed projects and what went into each. This helps me stay on track at work, but that “completed” list is always an ego boost and an easy way to see what you’ve accomplished most recently.

4. Start a success journal.
This was a suggestion we received in our luncheon last week, and I absolutely loved it! Our speaker suggested we keep a journal that not only highlights our successes, but also reflects on what worked, what didn’t work, and what we did to create positive outcomes. This can be an especially important tool for evaluating one’s own efforts and finding ways to improve in the future. It also allows us to advocate for ourselves by providing detailed examples of our accomplishments, along with insights into how we created that success.

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What do you do to advocate for yourself? Share in the comments section below!

Link Love Wednesday: Pineapple Edition

GarlandI don’t know about you, but this Wednesday really felt like a Wednesday. Did anyone else feel the drag of Hump Day today? Life has been rather busy lately — mostly good things — and despite my sleep deprivation and sudden aversion to exercise, I’m looking forward to the opportunities to come. What have you been up to in the last week?

Wind down from a long week with this week’s fabulous link love, and as always, share your own favorite recent finds in the comments section below!

Things I’m Loving Lately

  • The show Quantico on ABC. It’s addictive! Who else is watching?
  • Devonta Freeman, running back for the Atlanta Falcons. I picked him up on a waiver for Fantasy Football and played him for the first time last week. He surpassed 30 Fantasy points that week and I was not disappointed!
  • Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. It’s a great take on dating patterns in today’s generation and incredibly eye opening.
  • This incredibly cool tank top I bought for Halloween. I’ve been secretly living in this shirt. (Shhhh.)
  • Colbie Caillat’s cover of The Script’s song, Breakeven. I think I like it better than the original!
  • Scream Queens on FOX. It’s the perfect dark comedy and filled with familiar faces.

What are you loving this week? Share in the comments section below!

Link Love THURSDAY: Terrible Real Estate, Frozen and Social Media Pre-Nups

6097da4d58773b2814cef7fea44965eeGood evening, readers, and happy June! How have you decided to start your month? I kicked off June with my third Whole 30 (because I am clearly insane!) and by participating in the 100 Happy Days challenge. For the next 100 days, I will photograph something that makes me happy – and I encourage you to do the same! If you’d like to see my progress (I’m on Day 4 so far), feel free to follow my Instagram!

Plenty of interesting/strange news has also come with the new month, so allow me to share this week’s batch of link love with you!

What links have you come across this week?

Link Love Wednesday: Ashton Kutcher and Rejection

ashton kutcherThe past few weeks at work have been completely packed, as we gear up for the fall semester. From a football kickoff luncheon to several all-day tabling events, I’m loving my job but completely ready to unwind with some Link Love. What are some of the fabulous articles and blog posts you’ve been reading lately?

Revenge Is The Worst Revenge

You know what they say: success is the best revenge. At first glance, the motto makes sense — ’tis better to focus your energy on something productive and meaningful after a disappointing defeat than to drown your sorrows in 12 cartons of ice cream. However, while I agree with this sentiment to an extent, the use of the word “revenge” makes me a little uneasy in this case. Let me explain why.

A lot of people use the phrase “success is the best revenge” after a difficult breakup. These are the generally the kinds of people who like to set goals and base their self worth in their achievements. The extra time spent focusing on the relationship is now shifted to other areas of their lives, such as academics or careers — which is a perfectly healthy way to cope — but in the back of their minds, there’s always the idea that by becoming successful, they are spiting the person they broke up with.

I notice this with girls especially all the time. For example, one girl might kick up her exercise routine after a breakup, but instead of doing it for her own personal fulfillment, she motivates herself with the idea that “when he sees how good I look, he’s going to wish we never broke up.” Others may confide in their friends that they want their exes to see just how happy they are without them.

In my opinion, an ex’s perception of your happiness shouldn’t even factor in to the decisions you make. The relationship is over for a reason, and any time you do something with the intention of making your ex regret the breakup (no matter how noble your actions are), you are only hurting yourself more. By all means, you should focus on self-improvement and empowerment after a painful event in your life, but don’t do it to get back at the other person.

Ultimately, revenge is the worst revenge. Succeed because you want to succeed! 🙂

The Freshman 15: High School Vs. College

Whenever I think back to my high school life, I am amazed at how much has changed since then. Gone are the days of cheerleading, yearbook editing and wishing the right guy would ask me to the prom. I no longer have to wait until the first week of school to know what classes I’m taking with whom, nor am I stuck in limbo between very defined clique structures.

Of course, life at a 4-year university has its benefits as well as its challenges, but it overall tends to differ from one’s high school experiences. This month, we’ll explore some of those differences and talk about what it really means to make the transition from high school to college!

The Freshman 15: High School Vs. College

1. Grades are much harder to bring up.
Not to scare you (well, maybe a little!), but a lot of college classes — especially the general education requirements you’ll take as a freshman or sophomore — base your grade on relatively fewer assignments than the classes you took in high school ever did. Remember all those busy-work projects you did in your 10th grade English class that didn’t require much thought but still managed to boost your grades? For the most part, you won’t see those again in college. In fact, many college classes rely on only three exam grades and don’t bother to assess you for attendance, homework assignments or additional work. That’s not to say that all classes are like that, but in classes like these, it is important that you do your very best because every grade counts.

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2. Being smart isn’t a bad thing!
Nerdiness may be in the eye of the beholder, but students who get good grades and care about the subject material aren’t going to be looked down upon. Being invested in the course content and maintaining your grades is vital in college, and everyone who wants to go anywhere in life is also going to put the same kind of effort in. Be proud of your work ethic — own it!

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3. There isn’t one set path to follow.
Whether you’re a communications dork like me or you aspire to become a Pixar animator, you have a variety of choices that you alone must make. You shape your education. When I was in high school, I felt a lot of pressure to take AP classes in subjects that didn’t interest me, and felt like I was being pushed toward a math/science education when it didn’t suit my interests or strengths. In college, you may still have to take a few of those classes that don’t interest you as much, but you will also have a greater opportunity to choose classes and major concentrations that will benefit you personally. No pressure.

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4. You take greater responsibility for your work.
Because your college classes will guide you through a major that you chose, you will find more enjoyment and fulfillment in the course material and assignments. Will you still have projects that you would rather not do? Of course… that is unavoidable! However, you will have a lot fewer of those assignments. A film major’s class project will likely relate to filmmaking, which in turn will add to his body of work and play to his interests. Similarly, a biology student will probably enjoy the dissections because they relate to her eventual career in the medical field. Because of this, students tend to be more invested in the classes within their majors and work harder to achieve the course objectives.

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5. Professors aren’t breathing down your neck.
I had a History teacher in 11th grade who berated students in front of the class for not completing their assignments, and lectured them privately afterward as well. (This same teacher also told my parents that I was “smart” but that there was “something missing,” so I can’t say I was a huge fan.) In college, your professors most likely aren’t going to talk to you in the same way. If you miss an assignment for no excusable reason, you will get a zero, plain and simple. Your professor isn’t going to insult you for it, nor will he or she necessarily remind you of future upcoming deadlines. There will still be consequences for not completing your work, but you will have to be proactive and remind yourself of those.

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6. The way you present yourself will have a huge impact on your success.
This does not mean that your image doesn’t matter in high school. However, it matters even more in college. What you put on the Internet, for example, can play a bigger role in whether or not you are accepted for certain jobs or on-campus positions. I have a professor who actually looks his students up on Facebook before the semester begins to determine whether or not any of them have questionable content on their pages. (He doesn’t do it to be judgmental of students — he actually does it because he wants to remind us of what we’re putting out there.) In addition, it’s important to present yourself as responsible and professional in various settings because you never know who might be watching!

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7. You can escape the cliques (to an extent).
Cliques arise in every major, organization and residence hall on campus, but not in the same way they do in high school. If you want to escape the people you’ve known since elementary school, you absolutely can. You’re also not limited to such defined groups… I have friends who are officers in my organization, friends I hang out with most on weekends, friends I can have my girly-talks with, friends in my major and many others. Some of them intermingle and overlap, so I don’t feel like I’m in a clique the same way many other people are. You don’t have to be part of one group, and even if you are, you don’t have to define yourself entirely by the people you spend your time with.

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8. You meet people with vastly different life experiences.
Chances are, you went to high school with people you grew up with, who lived in the same town you did and who belonged to similar socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. In college, you are most likely to come in contact with people whose religious and political views differ from your own, who challenge your way of thinking and teach you something new. I have a lot of friends who grew up in different places than I did, and I love learning about the way they each grew up. Meeting people with diverse backgrounds is important because it teaches you to get along with people who aren’t exactly like you, and it helps you gain a stronger understanding of them.

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9. You have a greater sense of freedom.
You may still be linked to your parents’ bank accounts, but being away from home gives you freedom you probably didn’t have when you lived with Mom and Dad. Missed your curfew? No problem — you create your own curfew now. Want to grow unsightly facial hair? Go on ahead… your parents aren’t going to be there to tell you how scraggly your new beard looks. (Bonus points if you’re a girl.) However, this freedom requires a certain level of responsibility. Yes, you can stay out as late as you want, but you have to decide whether it’s worth the mere three hours of sleep you’ll be able to get before your class (or if it’s worth skipping the class entirely). No, you won’t have to answer to your parents, but you will have to answer to yourself.

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10. You can use awesome free and inexpensive resources that you may never have again.
Your student activity fees and tuition grant you access to a variety of unique resources that most people have to pay a lot of money for in the real world. From gym membership to career planning to on-site health care, your university provides many things that you should take advantage of while you have the chance, things that you likely didn’t receive for free before you entered college. Many colleges also provide counseling services that would be much more expensive in “the real world,” so if you need them, now is the perfect time!

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11. Your professors will assign work without concern for your other classes.
Let’s face it — we’re all going to have days when every assignment seems to be due at once, and exams have piled on top of each other. (For me, that day is going to be April 3.) In high school, some teachers are aware of what others are assigning, and will try to schedule their due dates around that because many of their students are in both classes. But in college, your speech professor won’t care that your statistics test and government paper are due on the same day that you have to deliver your speech; rather, he will continue to schedule assignment due dates at his own convenience.

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12. Your professors care about the material and have relevant work experience.
This is not meant to knock down any high school teachers — many of them are extremely well-qualified and have a love for the subject they teach! I merely mean to say that your college professors will definitely be interested in their course matter and often hold graduate degrees in that subject. Your professor may ultimately hook you up with an internship or give you important job advice down the line. Most likely, your art history professor didn’t decide to teach art history because it was an available teaching position, but rather because he or she conducts important research in that field and truly knows a lot about it.

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13. Your email address cannot be ridiculous.
I’ll admit, I still have my childish email address linked to my Facebook… but I do not give it out to anyone! To all of the LilHotties and SexyMamas of the Internet world, create a more straightforward jane.blart@website.org address that you can give to potential employers and professors. A professional email address (instead of something you picked out in fourth grade) can make or break your success in a way that it never did in high school.

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14. You will live with someone you don’t really know.
Most high schoolers live with their parents/guardians and siblings, not with people they barely know. However, many college students are assigned to live in dorm rooms with complete strangers, which requires them to develop more patience and respect for others’ space. Random roommates don’t always work out well, but many times they do.

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15. You develop more real world experience than ever.
You may have had a part-time job in high school, but as a college student, you will be able to experience major-related internships and on-campus opportunities that relate to your future career. College gives you the chance to pursue your dreams by exposing you to the right people that will help you make it happen!

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What differences have you noticed between high school and college? What other college topics would you like to read about?

The Freshman 15: What I’ve Learned (Year 2)

After a year of writing about all things college-related, I would like to celebrate my 12 months of Freshman 15 entries with a follow-up to my very first college post from my old blog, The Freshman 15: What I’ve Learned. Throughout my sophomore year, I have experienced a new set of successes and challenges, and I hope to share everything I have learned this year with you.

Thank you all for giving me a wonderful year for writing! Here are 15 of the lessons I learned in my sophomore year of college.Tweet this!

The Freshman 15: What I’ve Learned (Year 2)

1. Don’t put dish soap in the dishwasher…
… Unless you want soap suds all over your kitchen! Oops. This was a mistake I made a few weeks ago, when my roommates and I had run out of dish detergent. The moral to the story: even when you think you’ve begun to master the art of being a domestic goddess, you’re wrong. There will always be some little mistake that will humble you.

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2. Friendships don’t always turn out as predicted.
In fact, when I wrote the original Freshman 15, I couldn’t have predicted half of the things that were about to happen in the next year. While I did gain some very close friendships that seemed unlikely at the time (but for which I’m extremely grateful, of course!), I also lost a few that really stung. In the end, it’s important to be careful with who you place your trust in, and accept the fact that things may change in the future.

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3. Extra credit can be your best friend.
If your professor offers some sort of extra credit assignment, DO IT. By skipping out on one extra credit assignment in a psychology class in the fall, I managed to give my GPA its first minor blemish. It wasn’t the end of the world, of course, but I was not a happy camper, to say the least. By going the extra mile, you can sometimes salvage a borderline grade or even give yourself a bit of a cushion in case you mess up a little on a test later in the semester.

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4. Discipline is key.
The only way you can really manage your time and get all of your assignments completed is by being disciplined. This means sometimes staying home from a night out with friends so that you can finish a paper, or bringing a homework assignment to lunch with you, or even keeping a million alarms on your phone. Whatever it takes for you to be productive, you have to bite the bullet and do it.

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5. You can’t be or do everything.
College is probably the most exciting time for opportunities, and I encourage you to take part in as many of them as you can. However, as I’ve learned this year, there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do. As Director of Fundraising for one of the clubs I’m in, web developer for a research group, PR intern, member of various clubs and full-time student, there have been times when my schedule felt too heavy. On top of that, because of my heavy involvement, I would hear about other opportunities that appealed to me, and it was difficult not to apply for them. Ultimately, you have to know your limits, and don’t sign up for anything you can’t commit to. I knew students who dabbled in everything but never fully committed to anything, and it became frustrating for both them and the people they had to work with. Find a few things you love and stick to those.

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6. Attend functions alone.
Yes, college gives you the chance to be a social butterfly, but sometimes it is much better to go to events by yourself. I love my friends, but when I want to go to an educational event like the Book Festival or an ad agency tour or some event with keynote speakers, I want to be able to schedule my time however I choose, without having to compromise with someone else. Going to an event by yourself not only gives you the freedom to do as you please, but it also allows you to meet new people with similar interests, reconnect with others and learn about yourself.

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7. Going home is never quite the same.
Ever since my first summer away at school, my family has told me how much I have changed. I knew that college tends to change the dynamic between you and your parents, but that fact never fails to surprise me a little every time I come home. I also notice huge changes between myself and old friends from high school, and although some of those friendships are built to last, I can see that others will easily falter. Being back home is a huge reminder of how much things have changed.

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8. 5-Hour Energy can have delayed effects.
On Sunday, I finally gave in to the pressure of surplus energy. I have never tried an energy drink before, and I don’t drink coffee or soda, but all of my friends were getting their caffeine somehow, so why couldn’t I? I took a shot of 5-Hour Energy at 8 p.m. (first mistake) and then didn’t feel the effects till around 1 a.m., when it was too late for me to regain any of my productivity. The good news: I woke up the next morning with tons of energy to power me through the day. The bad news: the three hours of sleep I did squeeze in probably wasn’t healthy. In the end, 5 Hour Energy was not a great alternative.

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9. The thing you wanted most isn’t always what you wanted it to be.
Unfortunately, some of your expectations will fall short. Maybe the class you were dying to take just isn’t cutting it for you, or maybe the club you have been trying to get involved with isn’t the place you want to be anymore. Be open to those feelings and realize that even if this isn’t what you want, there’s always something else.

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10. Plan as much as you can, but allow changes.
It’s good to have a basic mental outline of where you want to go in the next four years, but don’t be upset if you begin to deviate from that path. I enrolled in college as a Journalism major who then considered Psychology, English, Creative Writing, Sociology, Elementary Education, Anthropology and Humanities before eventually switching over to Advertising/Public Relations with minors in Psychology and Spanish-turned-English-turned-possibly-Hospitality-Management. In other words, your interests might change. Your academic and career plans might change. Have ideas, but have back-up plans too.

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11. It’s okay to stop and breathe.
This is something that the perfectionist in me often struggles with, but one of the most important things I have worked on. It doesn’t matter where you find that inner-peace, whether it’s through yoga and meditation, an intense workout at the gym or a creative release, as long as you can find something to keep you grounded.

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12. Perfection is impossible.
This one goes hand-in-hand with #11. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how strong or competent or intelligent you are — you will still mess up from time to time. Accept those mistakes as they come, and try to learn whatever you can from them. As Confucius once said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Only do our true colors show when we are put to the test.

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13. Be good to others, whether they deserve it or not.
I have always lived by this, even though many of my friends disagree with me to an extent and think I should act on my frustrations a little more. Still, I refuse to stoop down to someone’s level just because they have wronged me in the past. I think it’s better to be cordial than to seek revenge on someone; chances are, they don’t have much going for them to begin with!

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14. Don’t let your relationships define you.
I’ve said this before, but it is important to recognize yourself as a separate entity and not as an appendage to someone else. I spent my first year and a half of college focused on relationships, spending way more time focusing on boys and friends than on myself. Sadly, it’s only a matter of time before someone will disappoint you — and it’s important to have something else going for you aside from all of that. Don’t ignore the world of dating and don’t neglect your friends, either, but do make time to do the things you love and to better yourself. It’s one of the most valuable things you can do.

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15. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
(Yes, that’s part of a possible Marilyn Monroe quote.) I thought I had the perfect freshman year. My sophomore year was a lot rockier and I am definitely happy to be done with it in the next few days. But I have to remind myself that all of the negative things that happened this year have allowed me to grow and make room for better things in the future. Above all else, we have to have hope that even when the year absolutely sucks, things will eventually improve.

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Some questions for you:

– What have you learned this year?
– What are you still wondering/struggling with?
– What do you hope to read about in the future?