Commitment: It’s Not Just About Settling Down

“I think that when men hear that women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome.” – Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

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For my very first book of the new year, I dove into Mindy Kaling’s autobiography Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), which was one of the best decisions I have made so far. Not only did this book make me realize that I want to be Mindy Kaling when I grow up, but it also provided a lot of insight into the worlds of writing, self-confidence, success and, of course, relationships. One of my favorite chapters from her book, entitled “Men and Boys,” discusses the differences between “boys” and “men,” and Kaling’s preference for the latter. She argues that, unlike boys, men aren’t afraid of commitment. However, she is careful to define commitment as something more than being exclusive with someone; rather, she refers to commitment as being “entrenched in [one’s] own life.”

As someone who has always found it important to find something you love and then incorporate it into your world as much as possible, I found that this chapter really resonated with me — not in a Nicholas Sparks/Lifetime Movie/I-need-to-get-married-and-have-babies kind of way, but from a different point of view. I find myself drawn to people who are goal-driven and focused, who have something they’re passionate about and are willing to work hard to achieve their dreams. Interacting with people who are just as excited about what they’re doing as you are can be a rewarding experience.

From a more individualistic perspective, I think it’s important to round yourself out by finding something worth committing to. Rather than floating around waiting for life to happen to you, you should be out in the world, discovering who you are and settling into that role. Rather than focusing on the superficial, look for something other than a vague interest and then learn as much as you can about it, take steps to develop skills in it and then showcase that however you can. Once you start taking control of your own life and then committing to this new world you’ve created for yourself, you should look for those same types of people, ones who are passionate about something but also willing to be a responsible grown-up.