The Weekend Five: Depressing Remakes of Pop Hits

As hardcore as some of us claim to be, there’s no denying that we have all been fans of bubblegum pop music at one point in our lives. I may be known to scoff when certain songs are played on the radio, but I am proud to know every word to certain songs from the 90’s. After all, these are the fun, happy-go-lucky songs of my youth, and who can resist the cheesy allure of the overly-choreographed, pre-packaged boy bands?

Of course, I had to ask myself — what if these sweet, entertaining pop songs lost some of their pep, and instead left us with a strange, empty feeling? Then, of course, the “depressing remakes of pop hits” were born.

The Weekend Five: Depressing Remakes of Pop Hits

1. As Long As Somebody Will Love Me — Backstreet Boys.
In this new version of As Long As You Love Me, our favorite Backstreet Boys delve into the ongoing loneliness they must endure as each member (mainly Howie) searches unsuccessfully for a soul mate. At this point, the boys don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, because they’ve decided that you’re probably out of their league anyway and they just want to find someone who will love them.

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2. One More Lonely Girl — Justin Bieber.
Although his music is not among the joys of my youth, I can concede that the teen pop star won the hearts of many girls between the ages of 11 and 15 with his song One Less Lonely Girl. However, in this remake, J. Biebs will sing about the many demands of his life on tour, concluding that any girl who dates him will be “one more lonely girl” who will have to fight other middle schoolers for his time and attention.

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3. Born To Make You Unhappy – Britney Spears.
This depressing pop remake chronicles the life of a young woman who just can’t do anything right. The song is essentially the story of a girl with terrible self esteem who recounts the many reasons why she would make a potential boyfriend unhappy. The backdrop of the music video features footage of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

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4. Blue — Eiffel 65.
Readers will note the lack of a title change here. Although I can honestly say I never really understood what this song was about, its energy always struck me as that of a happier song. This version of Blue, however, refers to the “blue” feelings that the narrator experiences when he realizes that the blue people, Corvette, and various material possessions aren’t enough for him and that he’s  just waiting (but somehow unable) to transcend all of that.

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5. Digital Digital Letdown — NSYNC.
No longer is this a creepy song about Internet relationships! Instead, it’s a much harsher sequel — the story of how one man’s expectations, heightened by the Web, wind up completely crushing him as he realizes they can never be attained. This digital digital letdown is exactly that – the realization that he can never replicate the perfection he found on the Internet in his real life.

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Okay, so maybe I have a warped sense of humor! Feel free to add your own in the comments.