In the past, you could learn a lot about a girl by looking through the contents of her purse. However, as we become increasingly glued to our iPhones and computers, we can learn even more about one another electronically: through social media profiles, texts, most recently used emojis and especially the inbox of your personal email account.
This week, we’ll go behind the scenes of my own collection of emails — all the empty gum packets, crumpled receipts and loose coins that metaphorically comprise my inbox. Get ready to learn a whole lot about me! 🙂
- I’m connected to Nigerian royalty.
I know what you’re about to say. “But Val, that’s impossible! Nigeria is a presidential republic, not a monarchy!” That’s where you’re wrong. For years, I’ve received emails from Nigerian princes, begging me for my banking information so they can finally send me their fortune. I must have done something really philanthropic in a previous life, because my e-benefactors keep promising to give back in a big way. (I also have quite a few contacts in India who have offered me large sums of money in return for minor personal details, like my address and social security number.)
- I have an extreme and very eclectic shopping addiction.
This is the only explanation I have for the countless emails I receive from local and national retailers: clothing stores, home goods stores, chocolatiers, wine supermarkets, even Israeli cell phone carriers. In fact, my personal account receives more emails from these companies than from friends and relatives. What can I tell you? I’m addicted to the discounts!
- Someone is looking at my profile on an Indian dating site.
Never mind that I’m not Indian and I already have a boyfriend. I’m assuming my wealthy friends overseas (the ones who want to give me money; see above) set up the profile for me as a token of their gratitude. Very sweet of them!
- Someone has just commented on my blog.
It might just be a spam bot diet pill company like last time, but hey – it’s the thought that counts!
- All the clubs I joined in college are still active.
I never unsubscribed from their email lists, so the fun never ends.
- When I was in middle school, I wrote fanfiction.
Really, really bad fanfiction. Apparently, ten years later, people are still reading it.
- I have severely offended a “nutritional supplement” company.
Or rather, they believe they have offended me. Every few months, I receive the same exact email with the subject line “I’m SORRY” followed by a whole lot of groveling because I still haven’t clicked through their website to make a purchase. I’m not sure how I keep winding up on their list, but I have to admire their sketchy persistence.
- My mom sends me really funny articles and videos.
Unfortunately, they get buried in my inbox underneath all these junk emails!
Am I leaving anything out? What does your email inbox say about you?