The Friday Five: Old Fads That Should Never See The Light of Day

Every fashion season has its ups and downs. As we make our way through each decade, we create trends in hair, clothing, accessories and makeup that our generation will one day be known for — either because they were innovative and versatile, or because they were downright heinous (What were we thinking?). Depending on where these styles go in the future, we will either be wearing them as vintage-chic or as over-the-top costume contest material (here’s looking at you, 1980’s!).

Today’s Friday Five celebrates the latter of those two categories — those fashion statements that should never, ever be repeated, but rather kept hidden in the back of one’s closet. It might not hurt to burn any photo evidence of these haircuts and outfits, as well! πŸ™‚

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The Friday Five: Old Fads That Should Never See The Light of Day

1. Pleather pants.

Very 1999-2001. Why did we think these were cute again? I had a pair of pleather bell-bottoms that I was in love with, back in fourth grade, and nowadays I can’t for the life of me remember why. These days, leather pants are really only acceptable for Grease reenactments (tell me about it, stud!), so why would pleather be any different? Such pants come in all different colors and fits, but they hardly match anything you could go out in public with. The solution to this? Leave pleather back in the past where it belongs!

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2. The Saleisha.

This hairstyle, reminiscent of the shape of a coconut, is named (by me) after Saleisha Stowers, the winner of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 9. Obviously inspired by Johnny Depp’s role as Willy Wonka, the Saleisha convinces girls that in order to look edgy and high-fashion, all you need is an awkward haircut — more importantly, awkward bangs. It doesn’t matter the shape of your face or the texture of your hair; so long as you have bangs, people will think you’re glamorous. Around this time period, every girl at my high school seemed to be following a similar style for that exact reason. Even if the girl looked better with a side part or with her hair slicked back, she would chop her bangs to an even (yet awkward) length, because awkward was the new trendy. I’m not saying that all bangs look bad, but let’s bury the notion that bangs will make you overall much more attractive. Also, nobody should ever have this haircut.

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3. Mom jeans.

This one pretty much speaks for itself. When your pants are so high-waisted that you have to tuck your bra into them, it’s probably time to reconsider your wardrobe. Women have been guilty of this “fashion statement” for the last twenty years at least, and not all of them are even mothers! Mom jeans may be comfortable, but at what cost? They make your stomach and hips look infinitely larger, and make you look thirty years older. In order to avoid such a fate and to age gracefully instead, stick to somewhat form-fitting jeans with a more reasonable waist, and if you’re seriously concerned about discomfort, go for the stretch jeans.

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4. Short shorts.

Oh, boys, you didn’t think I forgot about you, right? πŸ™‚ We’ve all seen those men in too-short shorts (generally above the mid-thigh) and can probably agree that such sights have been both amusing and slightly disturbing. If your athletic uniform doesn’t call for a particular length of shorts, you are better off covering up a little bit more… you don’t want this to be your future! Meanwhile, some students at the University of Georgia actually seem to have an issue with this little trend, since it seems to represent more than just creepiness but is apparently also one of the signs of being a complete tool. Okay, so maybe girls shouldn’t wear entirely too-short shorts either if they want to look classy, but it still seems to be much more socially acceptable than boys who wear short shorts.

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5. Parachute pants.

Although this trend is iconic of the 80’s and brings back memories of M.C. Hammer, it should probably not be repeated in the future. If you aren’t completely blinded by the shine of these pants, you may be at risk for other problems, including tripping over your pants and becoming a social pariah. Of course, like many old fads, this one seems to be coming back — this time, in the form of Blake Lively, but I don’t think even she can salvage such a look. Don’t be surprised if those pants reappear in a future episode of Gossip Girl — or if they’re the subject of controversy!

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My question for all of you: is there a trend that you would like to disappear? What are your thoughts on today’s fashion in comparison?

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